Michelle Elman: In my experience, it is someone sees that "fetish" or that component of you more than they see the rest of your being. One of my friends who is also Chinese, explained it best to me when I asked what the difference was between "a type" or a "fetish".
What has your personal experience with scarring taught you about sex, both positive or negative? The scars itself are one thing, but they provoke questions and the stories behind those scars are some of my most personal memories and also the most traumatic memories. This makes it complicated because sometimes I have felt I was comfortable enough to sleep with a person, but I wasn t comfortable enough to go into those stories and finding that balance of how I can be vulnerable whilst still feeling safe has been important.
As I overcame my insecurities around it, I realised that the more time I spent thinking about my body in sex, the less I was actually enjoying the sex itself. Michelle Elman: I think we need to be showing different body types in sexually empowering ways and that this should be commonplace in the media.
We need to remove a lot of the shame that exists in sexual conversations as that creates silence around the issue and makes people feel isolated in the issues they might have with their partner.
I also think there is so much miseducation around sex in general — as Emily Nagoski puts it, we see male sexual arousal as the norm and we compare women to them as the benchmark when it has been shown that not only do our sexual organs differ but so does how we become sexually aroused. Due to the lack of conversation around this, this results in women believing that they are broken and society has normalised women s lack of sexual pleasure too much. On top of that, women are taught at such a young age that in order to be enough as a woman, you have to be validated by a relationship and, as we get older, we learn in order to be a good wife , you need to sexually satisfy your partner.
Not once are women taught to prioritise their own sexual needs or to even prioritise their own sexual pleasure in the bedroom and if we continue teaching women this, there will still be a number of women overriding their own needs. Stephanie Yeboah: Sexual empowerment comes from feeling confident and attractive in our skin, and the main way to do that is to ensure that people of all ages, races, weights, sexualities and abilities feel beautiful, equally.
This can be done by changing the way in which society values — and sees — beauty. The Westernised standard of beauty needs to be completely eradicated, and brands, publications and the media need to do a lot more work in being as inclusive and as diverse as possible, ensuring that all people feel valued and beautiful.
Visibility is key: we need to see fat people having sex scenes in movies, disabled people being the love interest, black women being seen as desirable instead of being the sassy black friend and so on.
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